Connecting with your partner and growing together is an essential part of having a thriving relationship. You can live together, eat at the same table, and go to events, but if you aren’t connecting, you will find your relationship lacking. I don’t know if you are aware, but I actually started my wedding planning business while I was in grad school getting my master’s degree in Professional Counseling. So not only am I passionate about creating a gorgeous wedding day for you, I want you to have the tools for a thriving relationship as well!
Seeking counseling both as a couple and as an individual can be life changing. They don’t teach us in school how to regulate our emotions, handle conflict, address awkward family dynamics, process grief, acknowledge the impact of past traumas, know your values, and take care of yourself. I don’t believe that everyone needs to be in counseling for their entire lives, but I definitely believe that every human being can benefit from counseling for a season.
Three tools that you will learn in couples counseling that will make a big difference in your relationship include: implementing appropriate communication skills, knowing your core values, and being mindful of each other’s love languages.
COMMUNICATION
Have you ever asked yourself “why” we communicate? We communicate to foster connection and intimacy. Having the appropriate language to speak when trying to communicate is very important. Also, being mindful of what your go-to defense mechanisms are, is necessary to grow and work towards the ability to hear someone speak and understand them. There are many resources you can use to develop stronger communication, but one of my favorites is the formula below. It helps you identify the facts, thoughts, and feelings involved in any particular situation.
The Talking Format:
When I heard you say/saw you do (identify the specific words or actions)
what I made up about that was (share your perspective, thoughts, opinion)
and about that I feel (share your emotions: anger, fear, joy, pain, love, guilt, etc.)
VALUES
Every human being has core values; this is what and who is important to you. Being mindful of what your core values are, and what your partners core values are, can bring a lot of insight to your relationship. So often we make decisions around our core values without even being aware of it. If you acknowledge what and who is important to you, and have the skills to communicate that to your partner, you’ll better understand each other’s core values, which can be very helpful.
For example, if one of your core values is financial security, and your partner likes to eat out all the time, you might get in arguments about spending money at restaurants. But if you communicate about the desire to be financially stable, you can develop a plan for you to both have a savings account, and have a budget for eating out that you both feel good about.
LOVE LANGUAGES
Love languages is a concept most people are aware of, but are you being mindful of them in your relationship? Taking the time to complete the love languages assessment, and discuss your results with your partner, is worth your time. You can save yourself years of misunderstandings by discovering each other’s love languages early on in your relationship. But don’t just learn about it, act on it. If your partner values quality time, prioritize that in your schedule. If you know your partner appreciates acts of service, make an effort to help around the house or in areas where it would be noticed. Learn to both acknowledge and meet the needs of your person.
This is a very basic breakdown of tips and tricks to help foster connection in your relationship. I highly recommend seeking couples counseling for a season, to have intentional conversations around these topics with a professional. If you are interested in digging into these topics more, I am hosting “reconnect” workshops with some counselor colleagues in April, just for couples! Click here for more details!
Actions speak louder than words, but true love needs them both! Click here to visit our free download on love languages!
Photographer | Reagan Blake
